Syracuse Parent and CNY Family

Jennifer Wing, editor of "Syracuse Parent" and "Mother Knows Best," lives in Manlius with her husband, Eric, and children, Cassidy, 7, and Jacob, 5. She has worked at Eagle Newspapers since 2005. You can leave comments below. She may also be reached at editor@syracuseparent.net

A new mom’s New Year’s resolutions
Posted on Wed, January 6th, 2010
Written by: Sarah Hall,
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We all make them every year. On January 1, we pledge to lose weight, eat more healthily, exercise regularly, get organized, blah blah blah. If you’re like me, by the end of March at the latest, most of those pledges have gone out the window because, for the most part, they’re things I don’t really care about.
But this year, I’m going to make some resolutions that I fully intend to keep. These are resolutions that any mom should make, whether her child is still in diapers or married with a family of his or her own. So I challenge you to take on these four resolutions in 2010:
I will like my body.
This one’s going to be tough, because I’ve always struggled with body issues, but I’m really going to try to accomplish it this year. Yes, it’s bigger than it used to be. Yes, it’s lumpy in places I never would have imagined. Yes, it has stretch marks and cellulite and little in the way of muscle tone. And I do hope to address all of those issues in 2010 and try to get it as close to its pre-pregnancy self as I can. But that may not happen, and I need to accept that, lumps, stretch marks and all.
Besides, look what it can do, what it has done. This body, for all of its cosmetic flaws, produced, nourished and sheltered a child for nine months, then delivered that child, all on its own. That’s a pretty amazing thing, and, if nothing else, I should respect it for that – and so should you.
I will make time for myself.
I know, funny, right? Between the diaper changes, the feedings, the playing, the cuddling, the baths and everything else, it’s hard to find time to think, much less do anything you used to enjoy. Throw in work and other obligations and “me time” seems like a thing you did before you had kids.
But here’s the thing: Taking time to do the things you enjoy really does make you a better parent. It’s easy to lose yourself in mommydom – I felt that way during Andrew’s first days and months, when my sole purpose seemed to be to care for him. I started to lose sight of who I used to be, and I got depressed. It’s easy for that depression to escalate to the point where you can’t adequately care for your child. When I started reconnecting with my pre-mommy self, I started to feel better.
Having an outlet, even something you do 20 minutes a day – whether it’s working at a job you love, exercising on your own or with a friend or doing something else that challenges you physically or emotionally – makes you realize that, while being Mommy is your most important job, it isn’t everything that you are. That makes you feel more capable of handling those day-to-day tasks and crises.
I will stop stressing over being the “perfect” mom.
Being a parent is the toughest job there is, not just because of the work itself, but because everyone, from your in-laws to your friend from high school to strangers you meet on the street, thinks they need to give you advice about what’s best for your child. It’s hard not to feel criticized by all of that attention and to feel like, if you’re not following every bit of advice you get, you’re somehow failing your child.
This year, I will try to internalize this: There is no perfect parent. You have to do the best you can with what you have. You don’t have to use all organic clothing, you don’t have to make your own baby food, you don’t have to be a stay-at-home parent – though you can do any or all of those things, if you feel it’s best for your child. That’s what it all comes down to: doing what you think is best for your child. Follow your gut and be the best parent you can be, and don’t let others criticize you for it. Remember, each child is different, and what’s good for theirs might not be good for yours.
I will enjoy my child and stop trying to rush through everything.
Too often, I find myself eagerly awaiting the next big milestone – when Andrew can walk, when he can eat different foods, when – please, God, let it be soon – he’ll start sleeping better. I’m so busy waiting for the next thing that I don’t take the time to enjoy what he’s doing now – this size, this age, these moments and milestones. And it all goes by so fast (though it doesn’t seem it at 4 a.m. when we’re lying on the floor hoping he’ll tucker himself out and go back to bed for a few more hours). You blink, and it’s over.
So this year I’m going to slow down and enjoy each moment – each new skill, no matter how small; each new phase, no matter how frustrating; each day, no matter how unexciting. Kids grow so fast, and before you know it, my little tiny guy, who likes to cuddle with a book (he’s eating it more than I’m reading it to him, but you get the idea) and lights up when he sees me, will be a teenager who won’t let me walk near him in the mall. So what’s the rush?
Whatever you resolve this year, I hope you keep these in mind, because they all add up to the most important resolution a parent can make: love your kids. If you do that, everything else will fall into place.

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